What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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