you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
