i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
