I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
your room smells of hookers.
And success
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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