I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
