He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
