College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
The air was thick with penises
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I just had sex on a roof
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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