Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
