Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
