He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
The feeling are messing with the penis
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
