that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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