Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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