I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Actions speak louder than pants.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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