thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
