They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
