I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
