i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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