I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
