She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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