so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
