im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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