i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
