apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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