I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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