Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
