ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I came so hard my ears popped.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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