everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
