I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
