He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize