Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
