well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
