fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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