tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
