Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
