but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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