i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Randomize
