My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
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