i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
