theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
