some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
