Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
