He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
