Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
