can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
