It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
