Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
