They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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