She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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