I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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