There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
of course. lets lasso hookers.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
