I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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