3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
