Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
