You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
