i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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