You're a womanizer and a bitch.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
