I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
