Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Randomize
