and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
