I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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